No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
