i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
