also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize