Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
