he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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