i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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