..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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