If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
