If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
