At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize