Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
