her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Randomize
