oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
