you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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