I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What a dumb baby whore.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
