After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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