He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
