Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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