hotel room ftw
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
