Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
