I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
