We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
