my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We are all done wearing pants today
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