Even the bartender felt bad for me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
