The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
