he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
