People in love make me want to vomit
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
