R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You've changed since you got that strap on
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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