Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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