barbara walters just said penis...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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