I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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