i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
