Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Someone signed my nipple.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
