my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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