she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize