i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize