forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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