i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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