It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
