sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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