taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
