he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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