He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
