So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize