Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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