I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
