apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
