Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize