sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
