I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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