You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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