I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
