it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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