Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize