trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
