sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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