its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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