someone threw a dead crab at me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
