The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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