You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Oh god it's open bar.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize