I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
