last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
