new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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