I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My ATM looks so different sober.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
