If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The best revenge is premature balding
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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