so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
