so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
