You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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